Battering shatters bliss in lesbian and gay homes, too

by Lara S. Ismail

Domestic violence among the gay, lesbian, bisexual community is a hidden but widespread problem. Domestic violence is not limited to heterosexuals; violence among same-sex partners, whether men or women, is at least as frequent as in male-female relationships. Yet this social problem is ignored, dismissed as infrequent and denied by many members of both the straight and the gay and lesbian communities, and as a result has gone unnoticed.

Abuse is a behavioral choice, the victim does not provoke it; the abuser has chosen his actions for him/herself and needs to be held responsible for them. Abuse does not have to be physical for it to qualify as abuse; there are many more subtle forms of abuse such as emotional, psychological or sexual.

Lesbian and gay domestic violence remains underreported for a variety of reasons. Often, both the abuser and the batterer

suffer from internalized homophobia. They

themselves do not see the situation as a case of domestic violence; they are influenced by society's view of same-sex violence as a fair fight between equals. Also, many gay and lesbian victims are closeted and fear that they will be involuntarily outed. Often the lesbian-gay community seems so small that everyone knows most of the members in the community and the abused is afraid of being dismissed or becoming an outcast if they tell someone who knows their partner about the violence.

The fact remains that battered lesbians are battered women, just as battered gays are battered men. Susan Kreinbrook, the Director of Volunteer Services at the Center for the Prevention of Domestic Violence in Cleveland, spoke of the "irony that the battered women's movement started with lesbian energy" but yet lesbians as well as gays must fight for their right to be protected from violent partners that is due them. She believes that only when we accept that domestic violence among gays and lesbians does occur, can we begin to completely help victims and abusers in gay and lesbian relationships.

As with heterosexual violence, Kreinbrook claims that the "victim is always left with the burden of proof" yet the lesbiangay community faces even more obstacles when it comes to this proof. First, uninformed people are less likely to believe the word of the same-sex victim than they are a victim of heterosexual domestic violence. Second, some police do not always take lesbian-gay violence as seriously as they do violence among the straight community, in part because they may not believe it exists. Society needs to stop this denial of its existence and do something to stop it because lesbian-gay domestic violence does occur and it is as serious as heterosexual domestic violence.

When asked what steps and actions we can take to increase the awareness of domestic violence in the lesbian-gay community, Kreinbrook cited two main actions: education of the public and the creation of a safe place for lesbian and gay victims to go in times of crisis. She also said that the publication of articles in local newspapers, the design and distribution of flyers and the production of radio programs would all force people to accept lesbian-gay domestic violence as a social problem.

There are many myths commonly associated with lesbian-gay domestic violence. We need to overcome these myths and transform them into accepted realities.

Myth #1-Men are the abusers and women are the abused.

Reality-Men are and can be victims, and women can and do batter other women. Violence is a power issue, not a gender one.

Myth #2-Lesbian-gay domestic violence is simply a fair fight between equals, and in the case of gay males, boys are being boys.

Reality-One partner is performing the

abuse and one partner is the battered man or woman, even if that person is acting in selfdefense.

Myth #3-Lesbian abuse only occurs when butch/femme roles are being practiced, and when one partner is much stronger and assertive.

Reality-The abuser does not have to be either the stronger or the more assertive of the two; she can be smaller, weaker, or the femme of the couple.

Myth #4-Victims of lesbian-gay domestic violence can leave the relationship more easily than heterosexual victims.

Reality-Lesbian and gay people have just as many issues to deal with in the decisions to leave or not to leave as do heterosexual people.

Myth #5-Lesbian-gay domestic viopopulations, and people who frequent bars. lence is confined to poorer or lower class

Reality-Domestic violence in the lesbian-gay community occurs among all classes, races, ages, in all lifestyles, all occupations, etc. It can be anyone who chooses to abuse their partner.

These are just a few of the many myths taken as truth in both lesbian-gay and straight communities. Rejecting them is the first step to overcoming the problem of lesbiangay domestic violence.

If you have been or are a victim, it is not your fault and there are places you can go for support and help. Call a hotline or tell a trusted friend, or call the Maryann Finegan Project of the Lesbian-Gay Community Service Center. The violence can be stopped and there are steps you can take to force it to stop. You are the one in control of your life and your actions, and you can stop it.

If you or anyone you know needs victim assistance, here is a list of resources and places you can go for support and help:

Women Together Shelter Hotline

Center for the Prevention of Domestic Violence YWCA

Templum House Hotline Maryann Finegan

391-HELP (4357)

FEBRUARY 11, 1994 GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE 3

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Continued from Page 1

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month study of AIDS issues in Cuyahoga County is drawing to an end. "A fact that we can't ignore," says Westbrook, "is that we are constrained by funds. We must prioritize our spending. We have empowered the CCA to help us, the city and the county, to shape our programs and priorities and our focus."

Westbrook says that while CCA findings will provide a "roadmap" for allocating funds, it's also important to get a clear picture of what is being spent now. "I have asked the Health Department for an accounting of current spending and how it is done. It is important to know how much and exactly what is being done before we commit to more spending. I do feel that the CCA deadline will be met and with that a plan will emerge."

Westbrook says he was surprised by ACT UP's protest, but sees it as no threat to the rights legislation. He has scheduled a March 17 meeting with ACT UP to further discuss the issue. "I appreciate this type of action. But I hope people will be fair to us to evaluate the situation responsibly. I don't think we've been close-minded or unapproachable. But I do believe that we always need to do more."

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